Talking Tears

If my tears could talk this week they would have quite a story to tell. Tuesday was my first day of school with my students. I was excited and nervous to be starting a new year, in a new school, and with new students. I had no idea what was ahead of me. Tuesday was probably the worst day (or really close) of teaching that I've had. My students were talkative, rude, disrespectful, and just plain bad. By the time lunch rolled around at 11:00 I had to spend my bathroom break in the bathroom trying to settle down, stop crying, and convenience myself I could finish the day. With my frustration, the first day was done and I had fallen apart. I could not talk about my day without crying.

I shared with Jared about my day. I talked with my dad and my mom. I emailed with my brother and sister-in-law. And I sent an update to family and friends to let them know about my day. The thought of going back on Wednesday made me feel so hopeless. My family has been praying. My friends have been praying. People from our church and school in Danville have been praying. I don't know if I have ever felt the power of prayer in my life more than I have these last three days.

I cannot teach these kids. But God can. He loves them exactly the same way He loves me. I want the be Jesus' hand, feet, and heart to these kids. I want Him to use me to meet their needs academically but more importantly to meet their needs emotionally and spiritually. When I am standing in that room with 20 kids who do very little of what you tell them and most of whatever they want to, reality hits fast.

Each day is very much a struggle. I am still overwhelmed with the challenges ahead of me. But as I listen and people share it is absolutely amazing how God is already working in my heart. He has given me more strength this week than I have. It's been all Him. It has come from the prayers of so many people. It's an interesting place to be. I would choose an easier road in a heartbeat. This one is hard. But at the same time, it's going to be interesting to see what God does in the kids' lives and in mine over the next 177 school days. When you think about it, say a prayer for Mrs. Doss and her room full of little children who need love and who need Jesus!