Trust His Heart

Jared and I have been in Winston-Salem for almost 2 weeks now. It's been exciting to see Wake Forest logos around town. Last night we bought a WF sticker for Jared's car. When we were checking out the man asked if Jared went to Wake and Jared told him that he would be starting the MBA program in August. That was the first real time he'd gotten to tell someone that. That experience created a little glimpse for me.

Most of you know that Jared was accepted to Wake Forest and to Vanderbilt in Nashville, TN. Four years into our marriage, I think making the decision about which school he'd go to is one of the most difficult we've made. At the beginning Jared was leaning toward Vanderbilt and I was leaning toward Wake Forest. If we moved to TN then I'd miss birthdays, Mother's day, Father's day, camping trips, the beach, and probably Dayla's birth. Aaaahhhh! I really, really struggled with the idea of being 8 hours away from our parents and Jay and Sarah. For almost three weeks Jared and I went back and forth and back and forth about what to do.

I know there were so many people praying for us: Mom, Dad, Jay, Sarah, Grandma, Grandpa, aunts, uncles, friends, church people. One night Jared was talking to Jay on the phone. They were talking about Jay looking for places to do residencies. Jared made the statement to Jay, "Don't even apply if you don't really plan to go." That statement hit me like a ton of bricks. That was how Jared felt. That was the burden I'd placed on him. He wanted to go to Vanderbilt and felt like he couldn't because of me.

That night while he was in the shower I laid on our bed and prayed and cried. After three weeks of battling it, I let go. I just let go. I told God that I didn't WANT to go to Vanderbilt but if that was what He had for us then I would go. I'd been so busy protecting myself and my feelings that I wasn't doing my job as a wife. I told God that I trusted Him and I trusted Jared. I had given my heart to both of them and now I was going to trust both of them to protect my heart and do what was best. Did that mean it would be easy? No - and I knew that. But God had a plan.

Jared and I sat down the next night and talked. I told him the struggle I'd been facing and that I'd let go. If Vanderbilt was his dream then I'd go - without complaining. He was so excited and so thankful. With a decision due in about 6 days we were pretty sure it would be Vanderbilt. But thankfully the story doesn't end there. We met with our pastor in Charlottesville and we met with our pastor from Danville. God began to move. He opened our eyes to opportunities and networks at Wake that we hadn't seen before. God began to change Jared's heart. A total God thing. I'd been the road block all along. I was so busy pushing Jared to go to Wake that he couldn't choose to because he felt trapped. When I got out of the way and let God talk to him - He took care of it. Things could have turned out differently. That would have been hard but it would have been okay. Here we are at Wake Forest!

As I face another wall now and the frustrations of looking for a teaching job in all these budget cuts, I think this is a reminder more for me. If my God can open my heart and change my husband's heart (in about 4 days) to bring us to the place He wants us to be then He can definitely provide a job for me. This has become one of my favorite stories of God's hand at work in my (our) life. I'm learning that when I can't trace His hand, I can trust His heart!